A "Hero's" Tale

DanielH

It was only when he climbed into the seat did Harry Ryan realise just how strange the situation was. Truth be told, he was terrified. Before he could say a thing, it was too late. A small army of people were putting electrodes and pads on him, and finally, a large helmet was placed savagely on his head. He felt himself drift, as if falling asleep- relaxed and tranquil. Suddenly, before his eyes were the words: A Hero's Tale- a Super Immersive Adventure game. Super Immersive was a controversial new virtual reality system. Harry wasn't worried about using it until now, until there was no way out.

He quickly shook the feeling of fear from him, as the game had begun. He found himself at the gate of a huge castle, poking awkwardly out of a picturesque green countryside. His clothes were now the tattered rags of a peasant, with surprising amounts of room in the pockets. Harry looked around and saw little but the castle, so he 'checked his inventory' and found only a single golden key. 'A key.' he thought. 'In an adventure game.' He smiled, stepped up to the gate, and drew the key from his pocket.

monkey_05_06

"Now where does this go?" Harry asked himself, looking blankly over the gate. He hadn't realized until he was actually about to jam the thing into the gate that there was no keyhole. "Huh," he thought aloud.

"Who goes there?" shouted the guard from atop the castle wall.

Glancing up, Harry panicked. He knew he had to come up with something quick. He didn't have any wares to sell in the market so that idea was straight out, and he certainly didn't belong in his worn clothing. "That's it! I'm a peasant," he thought. "I beseech ye for a seat with the king! Night after night the animals of the king's forest come and destroy my crops. My family can barely survive on the minuscule parcels left behind."

"Do ye have an appointment?"

"An...appointment?" Harry asked incredulously, "Why, of course!" he quickly recovered. "It should be under," Harry scrambled to think of a good surname.

"What did ye say yer name was?"

"Er...Smith. It should be under Smith." he nervously looked around, hoping, praying not to be found out.

"Aha! Here ye be, Smith. Yer early yet. Ye may wait inside," the guard announced as the gate began to open.

Bulbapuck

Harry stepped inside to be greeted by the guard and led to a large chamber within the castle. Inside the chamber he saw a most unexpected sight: A woman more beautiful than any woman he had ever seen before. Her hair was golden and glistening in the rays of light from the window, her skin so smooth and elegant. Harry found himself in a trance created by her beauty.

“Who the heck is this man?” She yelled with a most horrid voice filled with disgust. Harry quickly popped out of his trance.

“Ah, princess!” replied the guard, “’tis here is Locke Smith. He has an appointment with the king”.

“Ye may be excused” she told the guard and he walked away.

“Yer late” the princess said.

“Are you sure?” Harry was confused, “I’m certain that guy said…” but before Harry could finish that sentence she glared at him shouting “Ye DARE defy my word?!” Harry silenced, she calmed down:

“The king isn’t here yet, but my closet is locked and I lost the key. Do yer thing, locksmith.”

Harry realised she had gotten confused by Smith’s name, but in fear of the princess’ anger he gave the closet a look.

Wyz

It surely was a closet from royal descent; it was made of the finest wood hinged by golden joints. Even the lock was made of solid gold. Harry remembered that gold all shiny and pristine was not so strong, in fact weak and soft. There where he wanted to force the lock he remembered the golden key in his pocket. As soon as he placed it in the hole he heard a yell, it was the princess standing right behind him.

“What is that!” the princess besieged, “Where did ye found that key!”

Harry knew this was bad, as soon as he heard the princess yell. He had to think of something and make it quick.

“I found it right outside, behind a bush by the moat. It shined as bright as the sun does on you hair. It was hard not to be seen.”

“What kind of lock smith are ye!” The princess shouted.

“Well actually I’m not a…”

“Guards! Seize that man!”

Harry played his cards and played them wrong; he should have been more careful because his future now looked grim. The guards took him to the dungeons where he was thrown in a moist prison cell.

Akatosh

What followed were a few moments of nauseated confusion as Harry tried to regain his bearings. The constant scenery switches were starting to get to him, and the strange plot didn’t help much. He had seen many… unique types of logic in games, but this one took the cake. The designers’ train of though was swerving wildly enough to make Calvinball look like Tic-Tac-Toe. Seriously, only one inventory item so far? Were the designers on LSD or what?

Still, no use in giving up. The sooner he got out of this mess, the sooner he could get back home. After all, how bad could an escape-the-room puzzle be?

After what felt like about three hours, Harry concluded that it could be very bad. First, the cell was empty save for some useless crap (excluding a stale loaf of bread, which he pocketed. Somehow.) Second, the guard occasionally walking by adamantly refused to drop some hints already. Third, not even the tried-and-true rubbing everything against everything else in reach produced any result whatsoever.

Harry had been dreading this moment. If he couldn’t think of something to try, and fast, he’d have to sit down and think about what to do next. Stupid princess.

Phemar

That was when it hit Harry. He had been thinking for a while and had come to a conclusion - one so crazy it just might work. He had gotten himself thrown in prison for doing the most logical thing available to him at the time. I mean, anyone would have tried the key on the closet door, he thought. So, he reasoned, if he did the opposite of the most logical thing available to him right now, perhaps he could get himself out of this mess.

The trouble was, he had to decide what the most logical thing available to him at this point was so he could do the opposite of it. He had no idea.

Dejected, he fell down against the wall in a sulk and began bouncing a small stone off the far wall. The king would be back soon and according the guard he had a reputation for dealing with prisoners one on one. He had to think, and he had to think fast.

Ultra Magnus

“It must be something to do with that guard.” Harry said to himself, “But I’ve exhausted the dialogue options. I have to think of something to use on him…”

He checked his inventory again.

“That’s it! I’ll hit the guard with the stale bread and steal his keys!”

Harry waited patiently until the guard was back within arm’s reach and then… calmly handed the bread over to him.

“Dun think ye can bribe me, peasant. I dun’ wan’ yer bread.” the guard replied, handing back the stale loaf, and continuing on his patrol of the dungeon.

“No!” Harry quietly yelled to himself, “That’s not what I was trying to do! Damn stupid game!”

Just then he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. One pixel was a slightly different colour to the rest of the wall. He prodded it gingerly with his finger, and suddenly half the wall crumbled to his feet revealing a narrow stone passageway with flaming wooden torches lining the walls and thick cobwebs draped across every surface.

“I wonder whose job it is to make sure those torches stay lit?” Harry thought, “Couldn’t they have a bit of a dust while they’re at it?”

Trihan

He picked up a torch anyway, figuring it would come in handy sooner or later. After all, in these situations anything that wasn't nailed down would eventually be used in a long and convoluted puzzle involving a series of events that, in reality, nobody would ever think of doing if they really were in that situation, right?

Right.

So off he went, keeping his eyes peeled at every turn for obscure pixel-hunt hotspots, knowing that at any moment he could miss a vital clue because he wasn't looking in exactly the right place at exactly the right time when the moon was half waxed and Venus had entered the 5th house.

He hadn't gone long before he bumped into an NPC. He knew it was an NPC because as soon as the guy said "Psst! Hey, buddy!" black lines appeared above and below him and he walked over to the stranger, unable to control his own body. He tried to speak but no words came out. Then he noticed that underneath him was a list of phrases.

Andail

Realizing that a careful assessment of each of the various phrases would probably be a waste of time, and that he would eventually have to use all of the options, he just picked the first one.

“Thy mother remindeth me of a rancid daphodile”, came out through his lips. What an illogical thing to say.

“That be ye correct passworde”, the NPC responded, apparently not offended, “Thou may pass.”

Henry did not even bother to wonder where and how he should have read the password; either way the game did not notice that he had not. The NPC spoke again:

“But be warned; ahead lies the terrible Maze of the Ages. And it’s timed!”

Henry felt like inquiring more as of this maze, but the NPC remained mute.

Around the next corner was the entrance to the maze; an arced opening in the stone wall, but it was hard to discern what lied within due to the poor light. Knowing that he was equipped with a keen sight, and not afraid of the dark, Henry decided to venture forth, but to no avail; when he tried to set his foot on the ground beyond the opening, an inner voice told him that it was too dark for him to see, and he was forced to retreat.

Babar

Harry was getting used to the subtle weirdnesses now. He extracted the torch from his pockets- barely acknowledging the weirdness of it still being lit- and this time entered successfully.

And so began the most cumbersome part of his journey. He entered each new room carefully, watching for traps, and ever so often, he’d hear a small click as the ceiling moved down a notch.

After fumbling about a dozen rooms, a horrible thought struck him. He stepped back into the previous room, and his suspicions were realised: The rooms changed if you went back!

Utterly frustrated, he had almost decided he didn’t care anymore, when he saw a light in the next room. He rushed to it and as he entered, the floor gave way! Scrambling to grab the edges, his torch fell into some noxious liquid below and set it aflame.

Hanging for his life, he was amazed to hear footsteps. He shouted wildly for help.

A blonde man in a leather tunic walked in and silently pulled him out. Overcome with gratitude, Harry stammered “You…saved…how to repay you?” Reaching into his pockets, he handed the hero…a loaf of bread.

“It’s all I have”, he said sheepishly.

Suddenly all went black, and… The helmet came off!

“Our updated Virtual Theatre 2000 mod works perfectly” said one technician to another, “the unpredictability of an actual human really gives the NPC personality!”